Lately, I seem to be looking for this person called Cynthia…Wow! It appears I can hardly find her. All I see is Bobga’s wife, Kayleen’s mother, Sonia’s sister , Terry’s daughter or probably Mercy’s friend. But where is the young girl called CY? It looks like it was just yesterday, I was spotted on the streets of Malingo, in Buea Cameroon, during my uni days, “gisting” and giggling, with my besties Mercy and Raisa on each side. Right about now, Goodness and Mercy (my kids) follow me everywhere I go, and most often, we are riding in a “strollerbenz.” It’s out of this overwhelming life that I crave alone times, a time to sit down, pinch my small toe and know I did it myself…
Just a picture of what I mean…. I went home at the end of last year to have my son, Henry. Even though I was encompassed with so great a number of family members to help me watch him and my older kid, really how far can I go from an exclusively breast fed new born who had yet to get the preliminary BCG vacine? I could neither leave him nor take him with me to visit friends I hadn’t seen in 4 years, to attend weddings typical of that time of the year….many more. “You cannot eat your cake and have it,” my mum reminded me, as I tried to make peace with the situation.
Well, I prayed to be married and God gave me a husband, I asked for kids and he gave me two; so why am I complaining? For how long do I want to be by myself. Am I an island or what? As I asked myself these questions, I realised my dilemma is not exactly out of place. Eric and I have been listening to Les Brown and other men of God and they speak of taking out time alone to think, study, write, and then PRAY, just as Jesus did.You will agree with me that quality thoughts will emerge from a quality time spent. Being too available at every time, to many people is a No No…. I began coming to terms with the fact that I need to find myself, the brand, Cynthia and not get lost in ironing shirts, teaching ABCDS and changing diapers. I advised me, that If I need to develop who I should be, it is not after a full day of baking a family size cake or telling stories of “Johnny, Johnny…yes Papa.”
While I very much understand the need to spend quality time with my family, there is the Bible I need to finish studying (there are different versions oh), there is other books that I need to read(I am still working on a good reading culture), there is the Aunt-in-law that I need to phone or get into trouble with and then this blog post to publish. Again, there is the little girl in me that just needs to chit chat with my former high school girlfriend….no serious thing, just whether it’s advisable to add white pepper to salad dressing! And then of course, I need to treat myself sometimes to my favourite movies and shows on You Tube. Yes! It’s usually during my alone times, cos they do not like my kind of movies. Just because I love and want to identify with indigenous culture, I watch African movies. And true, I do not need distractions as I check out some fashion trends online or catch up with some friends on social media. Ah! There is more to life than burying my head in the book of Habakkuk.
Here is a rundown of things, I am yet a stay at home mum(SAHM), so I send off Eric to work at 6:12am, after packing a lunch box. From 6:30, I glory in my routine alone times, crossing fingers and praying in my heart that Kayleen or Henry won’t wake up before 08:30am. Before 9am, I try to do the things that do not need distraction, the things I need to be alone to put together. There are things to which I need to give undivided attention and those can only be done when kids are asleep. When my daughter wakes up, the norm is we all pray for a few minutes…then the day begins. For all she knows, there is no need blabbing morning tongues after the trio Amen has been said. She will utterly declare, “mama, stop praying!” Do I now say it is the work of the devil? No, it’s time for her breakfast and if I have to, I need to play around with time to get enough, for speaking all I want with the Father. As I type these words, it’s 2:14am and it’s when my wit is at its best. WordPress for typing and then a message on Youtube…Oh, how grateful I am when sleep, the intruder is far away.
Something I realised; as important as alone times are, they are also very sensitive. You know it is either you are hearing from the Holy Spirit at that time, or the evil one, depending on which activity you engage in. Nicely put, what you do in the secret will manifest much more results in the public. Imagine this tendency I have to be craving a daddy size cup of hot chocolate, when I have purposed in my heart of hearts to make the most of my late night alone time….the enemy is a liar! With my current weight, I should know better than stationing my laptop on the study table, which is closest to the breakfast cupboard. Funny enough, that is where the wifi hotspot is best. If I let insensitivity take the better part of me, I would be lying to everyone but myself, that I do not know why I continue to gain weight. However, it is at such times that I seek to enter the Holy of Holies and get information from God’s Spirit that would help me attain my divine objectives, #Iamagreatnation. I am not about preaching to you my dear reader, but it is a fight to have alone times which are fruitful. The adversary is both a defender and an offender so you must be both as well.
Just the other day, as I curled myself up in the couch, I opened a video of my cousin sisters, Karine and Marlyse go deep in worship. I just wanted to flow with these ladies as I had put the kids to sleep. Jesus! The came my husbandman, beaming with excitement as he recounted a message he had listened from Les Brown. Sincerely, I cannot remember everything he said cos I was just patiently waiting for him to quit talking so I go right back to my video. It gets like that on some days; mama is watching a cooking video on you tube, Dada is watching Fast and Furious on Tv, Kayleen is watching Peppa Pig on the tab and then Henry is sleeping….
While I totally agree that the lack of time is a myth, when one is single, he can amass more time to himself to put life in order. There is no compulsion to cook, there is no shouting back and forth, no changing diapers and you can end up finding yourself sleeping on the couch at 3am even if you didn’t want to. That’s why I tell people to enjoy their plastic pot days. You will utterly miss them.
Redeem your time cos the days are evil, the Bible says so. So I had to intentionally start thinking to quit being available on social media all the time, quit video chatting frequently with friend A, B and C about how ghost town is intense! I now decide that more often than not, when I find myself alone, I will grab a book, listen to a message or go for new knowledge. HELP ME LORD!
Grace and Peace