Craving Alone Time

Lately, I seem to be looking for this person called Cynthia…Wow! It appears I can hardly find her. All I see is Bobga’s wife, Kayleen’s mother, Sonia’s sister , Terry’s daughter or probably Mercy’s friend. But where is the young girl called CY? It looks like it was just yesterday, I was spotted on the streets of Malingo, in  Buea Cameroon, during my uni days, “gisting” and giggling, with my besties Mercy and Raisa on each side. Right about now, Goodness and Mercy (my kids) follow me everywhere I go, and most often, we are riding in a “strollerbenz.” It’s out of this overwhelming life that I crave alone times, a time to sit down, pinch my small toe and know I did it myself…

Just a picture of what I mean…. I went home at the end of last year to have my son, Henry. Even though I was encompassed with so great a number of family members to help me watch him and my older kid, really how far can I go from an exclusively breast fed new born who had yet to get the preliminary BCG vacine? I could neither leave him nor take him with me to visit friends I hadn’t seen in 4 years, to attend weddings typical of that time of the year….many more. “You cannot eat your cake and have it,” my mum reminded me, as I tried to make peace with the situation.

Well, I prayed to be married and God gave me a husband, I asked for kids and he gave me two; so why am I complaining? For how long do I want to be by myself. Am I an island or what? As I asked myself these questions, I realised  my dilemma is not exactly out of place. Eric and I have been listening to Les Brown and other men of God and they speak of taking out time alone to think, study, write, and then PRAY, just as Jesus did.You will agree with me that quality thoughts will emerge from a quality time spent. Being too available at every time, to many people is a No No…. I began coming to terms with the fact that I need to find myself, the brand, Cynthia and not get lost in ironing shirts, teaching ABCDS and changing diapers. I advised me, that If I need to develop who I should be, it is not after a full day of baking a family size cake or telling stories of “Johnny, Johnny…yes Papa.”

While I very much understand the need to spend quality time with my family, there is the Bible I need to finish studying (there are different versions oh), there is other books that I need to read(I am still working on a good reading culture), there is the Aunt-in-law that I need to phone or get into trouble with and then this blog post to publish. Again, there is the little girl in me that just needs to chit chat with my former high school girlfriend….no serious thing, just whether it’s advisable to add white pepper to salad dressing! And then of course, I need to treat myself sometimes to my favourite movies and shows on You Tube. Yes! It’s usually during my alone times, cos they do not like my kind of movies. Just because I love and want to identify with indigenous culture, I watch African movies. And true, I do not need distractions as  I check out some fashion trends online or catch up with some friends on social media. Ah! There is more to life than burying my head in the book of Habakkuk.

Here is a rundown of things, I am yet a stay at home mum(SAHM), so I send off Eric to work at 6:12am, after packing a lunch box. From 6:30, I glory in my routine alone times, crossing fingers and praying in my heart that Kayleen or Henry won’t wake up before 08:30am. Before 9am, I try to do the things that do not need distraction, the things I need to be alone to put together. There are things to which I need to give undivided attention and those can only be done when kids are asleep. When my daughter wakes up, the norm is we all pray for a few minutes…then the day begins. For all she knows, there is no need blabbing morning tongues after the trio Amen has been said. She will utterly declare, “mama, stop praying!” Do I now say it is the work of the devil? No, it’s time for her breakfast and if I have to, I need to play around with time to get enough, for speaking all I want with the Father. As I type these words, it’s 2:14am and it’s when my wit is at its best. WordPress for typing and then a message on Youtube…Oh, how grateful I am when sleep, the intruder is far away.

Something I realised; as important as alone times are, they are also very sensitive. You know it is either you are hearing from the Holy Spirit at that time, or the evil one, depending on which activity you engage in. Nicely put, what you do in the secret will manifest much more results in the public. Imagine this tendency I have to be craving a daddy size cup of hot chocolate, when I have purposed in my heart of hearts to make the most of my late night alone time….the enemy is a liar! With my current weight, I should know better than stationing my laptop on the study table, which is closest to the breakfast cupboard. Funny enough, that is where the wifi hotspot is best. If I let insensitivity take the better part of me, I would be lying to everyone but myself, that I do not know why I continue to gain weight. However, it is at such times that I seek to enter the Holy of Holies and get information from God’s Spirit that would help me attain my divine objectives, #Iamagreatnation. I am not about preaching to you my dear reader, but it is a fight to have alone times which are fruitful. The adversary is both a defender and an offender so you must be both as well.

Just the other day, as I curled myself up in the couch, I opened a video of my cousin sisters, Karine and Marlyse go deep in worship. I just wanted to flow with these ladies as I had put the kids to sleep. Jesus! The came my husbandman, beaming with excitement as he recounted a message he had listened from Les Brown. Sincerely, I cannot remember everything he said cos I was just patiently waiting for him to quit talking so I go right back to my video. It gets like that on some days; mama is watching a cooking video on you tube, Dada is watching Fast and Furious on Tv, Kayleen is watching Peppa Pig on the tab and then Henry is sleeping….

While I totally agree that the lack of time is a myth, when one is single, he can amass more time to himself to put life in order. There is no compulsion to cook, there is no shouting back and forth, no changing diapers and you can end up finding yourself sleeping on the couch at 3am even if you didn’t want to. That’s why I tell people to enjoy their plastic pot days. You will utterly miss them.

Redeem your time cos the days are evil, the Bible says so. So I had to intentionally start thinking to quit being available on social media all the time, quit video chatting frequently with friend A, B and C about how ghost  town is intense! I now decide that more often than not, when I find myself alone, I will grab a book, listen to a message or go for new knowledge. HELP ME LORD!

Grace and Peace

Cyn

 

 

Daring the waters!!

Sincerely dears, I am at it again after a long time. It has been a huge transition phase for me and my family, but the Lord has got our backs through it all. He has truly been faithful. Now, you probably will agree with me that change is quite difficult for most of us, especially when it is an unknown venture, but I dare to say that as convenient as sticking to the status quo is, ”life begins at the end of your comfort zone” (Zig Ziggler).

Story about my life, the multi faceted experience of a young Cameroonian mother of 2, under 5. I lived in SA with my family and when tables began to turn and the game began changing for us, we sought the face of the Lord, and voila! we had to move. We had no idea the direction of the movement but we had to “Dare the Waters” and not “test the waters”. Fast forward, the next phase of our lives brought us to China and believe me, the episode is sharply different from what I know life is, in Africa. Before we were here, we were cautioned nicely about the drastic dissimilarity of life in Asia and Africa, yet we dared to go. In our minds then, we asked, “what can be tougher than what we have faced in Africa”? But truly, you will agree with me that it can be overwhelming.

In South Africa, English is not as widely spoken as other national languages but somehow, we managed to cope, asking people nicely to translate what they said in their native Sotho, to English. That totally changed as we arrived right at the International airport in Guangzhou, China. Most remarkable, were the stares we got. My goodness! it was like we were declared wanted by Xi Jinping, the Chinese president, such that my 3 year old asked me, “Mama, why are the Chinese people looking at us?” Believe me, she keeps asking  me that question till date and all I can say is, “they say you are an African princess.” You would imagine that the more frequent the looks, the harder it is for her to believe that royalty story of mine. Come to think of it, how would I even blame a bunch of Chinese spectators who have never in their lives seen a black family. Unconfirmed information tells me that it is illegal for a local to have VPN(please look up for that if you do not know what it is) downloaded on his phone. For this, they have no access to Google, YouTube, and other sites through which they can see videos or images of other countries. However, I find the people very friendly and the looks are just an amicable exchange since all we can offer each other is the greeting, “hello” in English and “Ni hao” in Chinese. I guess in the smiles and stares, are other unexpressed questions like, “what part of Africa are you from?” Honestly, all the gestures do not get to me, just because I am from a country where getting constantly starred at, as a foreigner, is the least of my worries. I did not come here to play scrabble….smh….yeah, I said so. What I get occasionally concerned about, is my daughter (almost 4) who falls on her brother’s face, as a defense, each time a local, stoops down to him in his stroller with a kind smile and few phrases and questions, which are all answered by my very broad smile. Well, if it gets extremely necessary, then I grab my phone, tap on the mostly used app, the translator to give me the slightest idea of what some of them want to tell me. A phrase is ok cos the next is a chit chat which I have no time for. Imagine them asking if my daughter is a girl or boy, just cos she has a low cut….HAHAHA!

A friendly smile for Henry!

You can figure that no one but our employers and colleagues understands our language; from the domestic flight agents to the taxi driver to the nurse at the clinic right to the lady who sells spinach on the street. How less likely are we supposed to be daring in a country of so wide a cultural barrier from ours? This landed us most times in a culture shock.

We went from buying liquid soap, thinking it was lotion, to buying something which I have not been able to figure what it is till today, thinking it was ‘waterfufu’ to eat with ‘eru'(home food). But since the day the taxi driver dumped me at the Chinese hospital instead of the International Clinic, where I met the frustration of my life, I have never been secured enough to go anywhere, alone with the kids, without my husband. The most we can do is going to our place of work and for that, we only use a taxi, to whose driver even my daughter rhythmically says, “jiaghan dashue, wu haomen”(wrong spelling of course), to indicate our destination. Using a taxi is more expensive but saves us the embarrassment of meeting people on the bus who will ask questions we absolutely have no answers to. Also, the taxi is fast enough  to bring us right to our destination, where we can meet Daddy and other colleagues….alas, a feeling of security and belonging (familiarity). We did not imagine that we would join other Africans in China, who order Maggi seasoning and garri (home food) online and wait for three days before cooking soup. You can even imagine the quantity….my goodness! The list of our experiences is definitely inexhaustible, but let me leave you with these ones that tickle me. There is an elderly Chinese woman (Ayi) who helps me clean twice a week, recommended by a colleague. She speaks no English at all. The first time she arrived, she began screaming (you know how elderly people often scream…just their tone, no offense), demanding something. I tried putting 1 and 2 together, with all the gestures, but could not make out what she wanted. Her facial expression read that she really needed this thing. oh Lord! What was I going to do? Her tone alone woke up my napping baby, then the tension of not understanding each other, took the better part of me. Then…a phone call popped in from our mutual friend, my colleague just in time to explain that my dear Ayi only wanted a dry cloth. Hmmm…. Again, My husband told me that each time he goes to the barber’s shop, he keeps praying in his heart that the barber would not give him an awful Chinese hair cut which will leave him looking like an Uncle to his daughter.The first one was something else, I had to pray, I tell u….And because I also have a hard time getting my hair done, the way I want, we have resorted to learning to DIY. My dear, I cannot tell you the other half of it but after all, life in Zhongguo is sooooo much fun. We thank God.

God Bless You

Cy